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"Titans" -Warriors of Virtue

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

And, yes, Obsessed - they live for the job, they die for the job.

Even though most of them would rather get out alive.
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They're not *quite* willing to sacrifice themselves over a sample or two, unless they get a larger bonus or a crewmate's life is at stake.

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Channe, the next JMS, who lives for the One and dies for the chocolate cheesecake
--
OnlineDude: I suppose now would not be the time to bring up the old one about the starlet who was so new to Hollywood she slept with the writer...
JMS: But that was only because she heard that in Hollywood, *everyone* screws the writer.
 
Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

This thread is growing faster than most of us can read!
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So, I'll make several comments all at once.
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR> There is a good reason that Sci-Fi is normally based on the captain rather than the lieutenant, only the captain can order the ship to open fire.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Actually, that's a Lazy writer's way out:
Blow 'em out of the sky.
Using Junior personnel is often better because it allows them more room to Grow as characters. Captains are "mature" and live under many constraints that junior personnel do Not.
Not to mention that the majority of SF does NOT use the captain as the viewpoint character. For the above reasons, and more.
TV SciFi has been limited and cramped by the dominance of the Trek model that put the Captain at the center of every episode.
A legacy of Shatner's ego in many respects.
It is finally beginning to break away from those limits.
As we saw on Babylon 5 where so many great episodes spent a lot more time with Ivanova, Garibaldi, Delenn, Marcus, Franklin, etc, than they did with Sinclair or Sheridan.

It was an Ensemble show, not a "one captain show".

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR> EAS Titan Crew (1) General Maxwell
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

A General would be much too senior to be commanding a single ship. As would his/her equivalent Admiral if the Navy rank structure is followed. (consistency in this would make it easier to read.)
An Admiral would not be assigned a command smaller than a 3 or 4 ship Squadron. He'd be a Flag Officer concerned with the movements of All the ships in his command. The Ships themselves would remain under control of their Captains. The Admiral would say: "Get those enemy ships out of my sky!" The Captains would figure out how each ship performed within the larger battle because the Admiral would be too Busy with what the Squadron was doing as a Group.

For the sports minded, think of the Admiral as the Coach and the Captain as the Quarterback.

Now, if we get out of the Strict military model, and into a mercenary or corporate model, you get a lot more freedom. A retired General or Admiral might end up in charge of a single ship doing dangerous work.

Or, you could have a whole Group of retired military types who formed their own company and went off looking for an honest buck. Freelance exploring or "first contact" traders, perhaps.
Such things sometimes happen in the aftermath of a large war.
The Army/Navy no longer needs as many people.
So, a group decides to pool their resources form a company and buy a surplus ship.

Particularly in a frontier political environment, such a group could turn a high profit if they get lucky.
Or, they could walk into Hell by accident.

Warren's use of the Ellipsis ...
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR> Ext. Mysterious City of Ishnu -Day

The ground starts to rumble underneath Captain Daly...Alone and a bit shaken...he stumbles from the shake. Earthquake?

As he glances at the Magnificent City before him...the structure appears to move...

There is a shake again...and a huge thump! Wham!

The noise echoes throughout the forest...
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I think I see.

Warren is thinking Visually.
He's an Actor.
What he is doing is using the Ellipsis to indicate a "beat" or pause in the Action.

Just as commas, periods and spaces indicate pauses and breaks in dialogue.



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The 3 most common elements in the Universe:
Hydrogen, Greed, Stupidity!
 
Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Hey, good people!

I wanted to let you know that I'm reading this.

I didn't want you to think you were doing all this for an audience of chirping crickets.
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Like the classic vaudeville line: "I know you're out there; I can hear you breathing."



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"We are (not) all Kosh."
 
Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Oh, and Kitaro (Warren), every time I see "Ishnu," I can't help but read it as Isshinryu.

I studied Isshinryu Karate for 5 years.

Just my Random Access Memory kicking things around.

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"We are (not) all Kosh."
 
Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

*grin*

Warren, go right on using the ellipsis. Grammar nitpicking comes from working in a field like mine. It's your words that count and they're very visually evocative.

I'm also a horrid nitpicker - I'm warning you two right away, hehe!
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B5_Obsessed, I really liked your Kaheel backstory.

Will post later. Must jet to class.

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Channe, the next JMS, who lives for the One and dies for the chocolate cheesecake
--
OnlineDude: I suppose now would not be the time to bring up the old one about the starlet who was so new to Hollywood she slept with the writer...
JMS: But that was only because she heard that in Hollywood, *everyone* screws the writer.
 
Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR> A General would be much too senior to be commanding a single ship. As would his/her equivalent Admiral if the Navy rank structure is followed. (consistency in this would make it easier to read.)
An Admiral would not be assigned a command smaller than a 3 or 4 ship Squadron. He'd be a Flag Officer concerned with the movements of All the ships in his command. The Ships themselves would remain under control of their Captains. The Admiral would say: "Get those enemy ships out of my sky!" The Captains would figure out how each ship performed within the larger battle because the Admiral would be too Busy with what the Squadron was doing as a Group. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

(1) There are no Admirals in Earth Force.
(2) We don't even know what the Titan is doing out there in the first place. There could easily be a General there to supervise the operation. Something happens and Captain Daly askes the General to watch over his ship and crew while he goes down to the surface to kick some ass.
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A proud member of the Wind Swords.
"War is life and death is the only true peace."
 
Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Hey everyone!

I really appreciate all the feedback.

That is what makes things better. Constructive criticism. It is all good my friends...

Once again, I am not a writer by any means of the word. I have learned a great deal from what I have contributed to our story so far...

My gramatical errors are improving ten fold!

Anyways, I have to run off. Sorry that I have been unable to post anything towards the story! Busy day...

BTW- A few of us cast members from "The Legend of the Rangers" were interviewed (yesterday) for "Dreamwatch Magazine" regarding "To Live and Die in Starlight".

The piece will be written by Frank Garcia and should be in the December/January 2002 issue! WATCH FOR IT ON THE STANDS!

Cheers! -Warren-
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Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

I'll have my bloodhound units trained on my local Barnes and Noble in eager anticipation.

It's my philosophy that every time you sit down and hack something out on paper it's just gotten you *that* close to becoming a better writer. Criticism always helps!

I keep on wanting to post, but whenever I get computer access today it's always fifteen minutes before I have to be somewhere. So, to remedy that, I'll just stretch this post out until it's done:

--

KELLER'S BACKSTORY (I don't feel a need to put this in the story itself. It wouldn't fit anywhere. But backstories are a good way to understand the people you're writing - and use their background against them in the story! hehe! - Since I've been writing a lot of Keller lately I'll just go ahead and do hers, if that's ok with you guys
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)

Ari Keller was born on Regula just before the time of the Breakdown (the Outer Colonies' Civil War), and when she was ten years old she personally witnessed the burning of her home city by Terran shock troops trying to put down the rebellion and re-establish the Terran-influenced colonial government. Her family, who had previously eked out a modest living owning and running a grocery store on one of the city's most bustling streets, managed to join the stream of refugees leaving the city with a berth on the colony ship Deimos.

More to come.

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Channe, the next JMS, who lives for the One and dies for the chocolate cheesecake
--
OnlineDude: I suppose now would not be the time to bring up the old one about the starlet who was so new to Hollywood she slept with the writer...
JMS: But that was only because she heard that in Hollywood, *everyone* screws the writer.
 
Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Keller: Oh MY GOD! THEY KILLED KOSH!



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"There's Snow White and the Seven Narns, Who's Your Little Pak'ma'ra, others..."
- Captain Matthew Gideon, The Needs of Earth
Rising Star
 
Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

I have no idea what you mean, BlackStar...
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This here is a POSSIBLE background for Keller. Warren and B5_Obsessed, feel free to tweak - I left the ending pretty vague, 'cause I think it might be interesting to have this in our characters' past... I have this GREAT, GREAT idea... I'm not going to put it here, though, unless you guys want to hear it right out.

--

KELLER, CONT.

Keller was a part of that generation who matured in packs, stuffed cheek-to-jowl in overloaded refugee ships where tempers - and violence - ran high as severed families remembered their lives before New Sheltenham went up in flames. Deimos was one of the lucky ones; many ships that accepted Regulan refugees found themselves overloaded, hadn't enough fuel for the journey, and drifted in space until they were rescued - or they all starved or forced themselves out an airlock. To this day, the memories of the year she spent in the hell that had come to be known as the Breakdown by the time of the Ishnu mission are her most vivid; she hardly remembers the days before the wars, when she used to sit in the produce section, squeezing vigha and helping her father stock cereal.

Ten years later, after the death of her parents, she returned to Regula and to the rebuilt New Sheltenham - still under Terran rule. She was hired as a security guard at the facility for the company she currently works for; it was there she met Jim Daly, who was, like her, working the night shift.

They became fast friends. Two years later, Daly and Keller were transferred to the company's Trevayne facility, where they were assigned to a new project, something hush-hush. It was very well-known that Trevayne was a site where the more violent and inhumane initial Vai experiments occurred during the Incident, and Trevayne had been shut down for a time during the Breakdown.

Fifteen days after they first started working, the project was forcibly shut down by a group of Terran shock troops and the call went out - Regula was once more in rebellion. Loyal to the company by this point, Keller watched, pinioned against the wall by Terran troops as they shot each scientist involved with the project - the exact nature of which she never knew - and set fire to the lab, destroying all the evidence. This sparked the Regulan rebellion to once again attempt to declare independence from Earth.

That explains why she and Daly joined the Regula rebellion shortly afterwards.

They both participated in the Battle of Trevayne (details very scarce here, because it might come into account), where their entire cell was wiped out by Terran troops.

Shortly after the Rebellion was quashed once again, the Company offered Daly and Keller positions in their Research and Retrieval department.

--

What do you think?

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Channe, the next JMS, who lives for the One and dies for the chocolate cheesecake
--
OnlineDude: I suppose now would not be the time to bring up the old one about the starlet who was so new to Hollywood she slept with the writer...
JMS: But that was only because she heard that in Hollywood, *everyone* screws the writer.
 
Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR> (1) There are no Admirals in Earth Force.
(2) We don't even know what the Titan is doing out there in the first place. There could easily be a General there to supervise the operation. Something happens and Captain Daly askes the General to watch over his ship and crew while he goes down to the surface to kick some ass.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

War Demon, you seem to have missed the posts where the writers decided NOT to use the B5 universe for this.
It gives them more freedom to experiment.

Channe & Warren, My own talents lie more in the Editing and continuity checking end of things.
I tend to notice when stuff is either missing, contradictory or inconsistent.

It usually happens when a writer forgets that he/she never got around to actually Including that detail in the story.
It's right there in their head, so they never notice that it ISN'T on the page.
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I agree that knowing a character's backstory is Important. It provides the motivations for the things they do.

For instance, in Keller's backstory, I noticed an implication: They participated in the Resistance during the rebellion. Yet the company rehired them later.
Implies that no one Knows about their little "indiscretion".
And will probably come back to Bite them sooner or later.
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The 3 most common elements in the Universe:
Hydrogen, Greed, Stupidity!
 
Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bakana:

For instance, in Keller's backstory, I noticed an implication: They participated in the Resistance during the rebellion. Yet the company rehired them later.
Implies that no one Knows about their little "indiscretion".
And will probably come back to Bite them sooner or later.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Bingo, Bakana.

No one knows...? Or no one cares...?

That's a detail I chose to leave out, just 'cause there have to be *some* surprises!

*wide grin*

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Channe, the next JMS, who lives for the One and dies for the chocolate cheesecake
--
OnlineDude: I suppose now would not be the time to bring up the old one about the starlet who was so new to Hollywood she slept with the writer...
JMS: But that was only because she heard that in Hollywood, *everyone* screws the writer.

[This message has been edited by channe (edited October 24, 2001).]
 
Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Hey really enjoying reading you writing's, fun story.

OK I know I said in the other thread(the one where the titans story started in) I wouldn't move this story over to Fandom, fun & fanfic ..

Well this story and grown and changed and it's great.

Anyway I have decided that it would be ebst to move this thread over to Fandom, fun & fanfic now.

This thread will still be here but closed..and the thread will also be copied over to Fandom, fun & fanfic for you to continue you story there.

Looking forward to reading more

continue ..

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Deviot
Lincbot@yahoo.com.au

[This message has been edited by Deviot (edited October 25, 2001).]
 
Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

INT. ISHNU CITY - CELL

Krrzkadd's laughter washes over Kaheel in percussive waves - an unstoppable force, but he hardly notices. His mind is reeling, lost in the revelation that the creatures they'd seen, including those putrid liquifiying remains they'd discovered, could have EVER been human. Rage begins to well up inside him, (NOT YET!) but he chokes it down and remains outwardly objective and serene. In measured tones he asks his next question, perhaps the only real question possible at this moment.

KAHEEL
Why?

KRRZKADD
IT FURTHERS OUR SCIENCE

Vai "science".

Kaheel knew all about that. He remembered their arrival fifteen years earlier, initially shrouded in secrecy, but then followed by the subsequent public discovery of their true interest in humanity. He was stationed on Mars Base 17, in the shadow of Olympus Mons. He had emmigrated to Earth from his native planet of Calder III two Earth years earlier, with his wife and child in tow.

Relations between the Terran and Calder goverments had been cordial and beneficial to both for about a decade. Although Calder's technology was somewhat inferior to Earth, the people of Calder III had a wealth of natural resources right under their feet. Earth corporations made proposals, and teams of Earth geologists, minerologists, and environmentalists worked with the native people to extract these resources and share the profits. Eventually, anti-Earth sentiment grew among some political segments of the population. They resented the fact that EarthCorps were getting rich off of resources that their Gods had created strictly for them.

After eight years, the Earth/Calder partnership fell apart, the victim of a government coup. The new leaders of Calder were quick to nationalize the refineries, factories, real estate, and infrastructure that the EarthCorps had set up to get the job done. All humans were branded profiteers and expelled from Calder. The EarthCorps, who had invested 3.2 trillion Earth Currency Units and were just about to begin seeing profits, began calling their insurers.

In the intervening years, after the "Great Awakening" as it was referred to on Calder, the plight of the average citizen was subjugated to the "Will of the World". The exploitation of natural resources continued unabated, and yet poverty grew at a sharp rate. Civilians marched against their leaders and protested the deteriorating state of their economy..... until one day the protests were met with lethal force.

Kaheel, who had been making a fairly good living as a extraction drill operator in the city of Laconos, sensed very bad times coming. So at great financial risk he acquired exit passes for himself, his wife Chellah, and his son Keevon. Calder III had become far too dangerous, and Keevon deserved a future on a world where he could achieve his dreams.

Earth was such a world.

So it was that in 2232, Kaheel and his family, along with several other Calder refugees, arrived at Kyoto Spaceport on a rainy Friday morning. Luckily for them, they were familiar with the English language since Kaheel had been taught to speak it during his work with the EarthCorps. In turn, he had passed it on to his wife and child. As he listened to conversations, though, he heard several languages that were decidedly NOT English. Just before panic set in, he heard a voice broadcast over speakers that he could understand. It was amzing. What an exciting world! What a blending of people, and thought, and culture! They wouldn't be outcasts here at all! Heads head high, the Kaheel family vanished into the bustling rush-hour crowd. Within a month, they had successfully found lodgings and started their new lives as Terrans.

As it turned out, Kaheel lacked any of the proper skills necessary to obtain adequate employment. He still loved the freedom and the cultural aspects of Earth, but this money thing..... it was a "royal pain in the ass". He had heard a human use that expression and it sounded very regal, so he repeated it often. After a mere thirteen months of residency on Earth, Kaheel joined the military. Chellah was, of course, upset. She hadn't moved all the way to Earth to spend her time without a husband. But the choice was ultimately live on Earth without a husband, or live on Earth without a roof over her head. She relented, and he promised her that he would receive career re-training. Earth was currently at peace. He would exit the military in three years, well-versed in Earth technology, and eminently employable! At least that was what the military recruiter told him. There was even something called "veteran's preference". They celebrated their every moment together, as if storing up love for a long winter, until finally Kaheel left home for the last time and headed for basic training on Mars. In six months, his family would be able to visit him. Chellah booked tickets in advance on the Earth transport Joshua Coxx, aisle seats.

On Mars, Kaheel watched the events unfolding between the Earth government and the Vai delegation with a mixture of horror and amusement. That they would've even suggested such a thing. He would be relieved when the trolls returned to whatever filth they had crawled from.

The military had been put on alert as a precaution, but it appeared that the Vai would leave quietly, now that their secret was out. He sincerely hoped he would not be deployed to Earth now. He was all set to go on leave and it would be extremely unfair if "fate", as they call it, were to ship him off to Earth just as his wife and child were ferrying to Mars to meet him.

He pictured two ships passing in space, he in one, Chellah and Keevon in the other. Chellah, is holding Keevon up to the window and pointing, saying, "There he is! Wave to Daddie!"

"Too funny", he says to himself as he smiles at the thought of the ludicrous scenario. He would not smile again for many years.

Fate did deal an ironic hand to Kaheel that day, for he was in fact deployed. All units were mobilized once it was learned that the Vai were attacking Earth transports in the Mars shipping lanes. Preppped for battle, battling his own inner fears, Kaheel desperately scrutinized the stars from the port-side window of the troop carrier Viceroy for a sign of the Earth transport Joshua Coxx, safe from harm and en-route to Mars.

But they were gone, without so much as a wave.

Back on Mars, six days later, Kaheel was called to a meeting in the Master Sargent's office. He is rigid, unreadable, and seemingly devoid of emotion.

MASTER SARGENT O'NEILL
I'm sorry about your loss, son.

KAHEEL (hard)
Yes, sir.

MASTER SARGENT O'NEILL
We still don't know the condition of the civilians. We might be able to get them back. No guarantees, but it's possible.

Kaheel stands at attention, unblinking, not daring to believe in hope. O'Neill seems to expect a response. Not recieving one, he proceeds.

MASTER SARGENT O'NEILL
Report to Building 3, in the Lab Sector at 0800 hours. I've already granted you clearance. Dismissed.

Kaheel turns on his heels sharply and exits the room.

0800 hours. Kaheel reported fifteen minutes early to Building 3 and found himself in the company of 18 fellow Calderans, which if he wasn't mistaken, was ever Calderan they had. Some were chatting in mixed English and Calderan, enjoying the camraderie of both the military and their homeworld, but Kaheel remained silent and kept to himself.

He was intrigued by this strange development, though.

The back door to the conference room opened and an attractive, but very young human female entered the room. The Calderans ceased talking and gave her their full attention. Amused by their formality, she spoke:

"At ease, soldiers. Good morning, my name is Dr Chenei. I worked for Dr Henderson up until a week ago, but it looks like I'm in charge now, whether I like it or not. I guess you're wondering why you're here."
***********************
To be continued

Did I get sidetracked or what?
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"When something we value is destroyed, we rebuild it. If it's destroyed again we rebuild it again. And again, and again, and again. Until it stays. "
~Jeffrey Sinclair

[This message has been edited by B5_Obsessed (edited October 24, 2001).]
 

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