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SOSB: The War of the Feet

I don't like children, especially little girls. I try to get them to leave, but they don't realize what I'm doing and they think I'm fun to be with.

Martin: "I should have brought my gun."
Debi: "What?!"
Martin: "Should be fun!" - Grosse Pointe Blank
Slappy's Solar System!

Maybe JMS will get some ideas from you...hmmmmmmm..........I hope that idea is not to stop writing....

"...abso-FRAGGIN-lutely, damn it! I have been studying your use of lauguage since our last discussion. Do you approve?"
And, here is chatper 8: All Alone in the Night

After Kribu and BlackStar left, RW studied his surroundings and pondered the situation. Looking at his watch, he said to himself, "Hmm, it's 2am in the salad bar, so it's nighttime there. Here I am all alone on Ree'bok. I'm probably the only Human on the planet besides that Dustin dude." He looked around wistfully, feeling very much alone, but realized that he had to be alone in order to carry out his plan.

As RW pondered his situation and his plan, a woman and two Foot creatures approached him. The woman was very large, with undulating waves of fat on her body that rolled as she walked. She had on way too much make-up and a fright-wig of a hair do that would scare even the dead.

"Hello there big boy, "she said, stopping and winking at RW.

"Who are you?" RW asked, turning around to face her. As he did, his eyes grew wide at the sight of her large body and gawdy make-up.

"My name is Vanna. Vanna Cherrydon," she replied. "Dustin informed me that you are here. He figured out that you are RW, Anla'Salad'Shok'Na of the Salad Rangers and owner of those awful salad bars. I am here to inform you that your salad bars and those infernal Rangers that guard them are a hazzard to our plans for the galaxy."

"So you don't eat salad?" RW asked.

"No, I never touch the stuff," Vanna confessed, making a face.

"Yeah, I can tell you don't by all that blubber that you carry around," RW stated. "Perhaps you need to go on an all veggie diet," he then suggested.

Vanna ignored RW's comments and said, "I have been instructed to persuade you to join our side and work with us to control the galaxy."

"And what makes you think that I'd be insane enough to join you?" RW asked.

"Why, my sexy body, of course," she informed him. "We could spend many a passionate night together if you stayed here." She then winked and blew him a kiss.

RW started backing away in wide-eyed horror. As he did, Vanna started moving towards him, blowing him kisses. RW then screamed and ran.

"Come here my little love bug!" Vanna bid him as she rolled closer, followed by the two foot creatures."Come share in my love! Let me be your woman. I will give you more pleasure than you have ever had!"

RW ran until he came to a balcony that overlooked a huge vat of beets. He stopped, looked down at the beets and thought, "I hope I don't have to jump in those. I hate beets!" He then looked back at Vanna and watched in horror as she rolled towards him.

RW hit a button on his link. It was the button that was programmed to bring his Whitestar crashing in on the city. Then he heard Slappy's voice in his head saying, "Jump! Jump, now!"

He looked back at Vanna again as she continued to roll towards him blowing kisses and calling him, "Lovebug", "Sweetie Pie", "Darling", and "Man of My Dreams". He then climbed up onto the railing, looked down at the beets in horror, then jumped.

Seconds after RW jumped off the balcony, his Whitestar came crashing into the Foots' capital city, destroying it and killing all therein as it exploded.

Stay tuned for chapter 9

Dulann: You don't solve your problems by hitting them.
David Martel: Yeah, well, it made me feel better.
Chapter 9:Sic Transit RW

RW awoke to the sounds of a crackling fire. He then sat up and observed his surroundings. He saw that he was in a cave with a warm, cheerful fire burning in the middle of it. He also saw that there was a man seated on a rock by the fire toasting marshmallows and making s'mores.

"Oh, you're awake," the man said. "would you like a s'more?" he then asked.

RW nodded and the man made up a s'more and handed it to him. "Thank you, " he said. He devoured the s'more, then asked the man, "Are you Borien?"

"Yes I am," the man answered.

"Am I dead?" RW asked.

"You were, but I brought you back to life," Borien answered.

"How long was I dead?"

"Oh, only a few hours."

"Wow, that was fast," RW said, amazed. "I thought that resurrecting someone would take longer than that."

"Well, if I would have gone through all that between tick and tock hocus pocus that I usually do, it would have taken me longer," Borien confessed. "I just transfered some energy, and BOOM! There you are, alive again! That's the short way."

"Why did you do it the short way?"

"Because I'm a busy man you know," Borien informed him. "I've got to keep to my schedule and I'm running a little behind because I slept in this morning. I'm due on Mars next."

"What are you going to do there?"

"I'm going on a hot date with a chick that calls herself Number 3. She's tall, blonde, real cute, "Borien answered. "She's a Minbari hybrid so I hear."

"So if you're busy bringing people back to life, how can you have time to date?"

"Well, she doesn't know it yet, but she's destined to have an allergic reaction to some spoo she'll order on our date and die from it," Borien informed him. "Then I'll bring her back to life."

"How can you know how and when she'll die?"

"I'm the oldest person in the universe. When you get to be my age, you just know these things."

"Oh." RW said puzzledly.

Borien then got up and started packing up his belongings. "Well, I'm off," he said.

"Wait. What about me? How am I going to get back to the Happy Narn? Hitchhike?" RW asked.

Borien looked at him and sighed. "Oh yeah, you blew up your Whitestar," he said. "I guess I'll have to give you a ride. I can swing by the Happy Narn on the way to Mars."

"Thanks, I'd appreciate it," RW said.

"Come on then," Borien implored him. "Time's a-ticking!"

To be continued.....

Dulann: You don't solve your problems by hitting them.
David Martel: Yeah, well, it made me feel better.
And now for Chapter 10: A Late Delivery from Borien

Back at the Happy Narn, everyone sat at a table having some salad. While they ate, Oliver came into the salad bar and approached the group. Since RW had made Kribu the head of the Salad Rangers and in charge of the salad bar in case something had happened to him, Oliver addressed his comment to her.

**Anla'Salad'Shok'Sech, a strange ship is approaching the salad bar. We've never seen one of its kind before.**

"Do we have any reason to believe that it poses a threat of any kind?" Kribu asked.

**That's not clear at this point.** Oliver Answered.

"Let's go to the war room,"Kribu said. "We'll check it out."

Everyone went to the war room. Kribu got a view of the ship and put it on the screen.

"It looks like a cross between a fish and a bird," GK observed. "A pretty odd-looking one at that."

"I have a cousin who looks like that," Slappy said.

The group continued to watch the ship on the screen until Kribu said, "I think it's coming here. We should grab our weapons and head to the spaceport. Let's go!"

The group rushed to the spaceport armed and waiting. They watched as a person stepped out of the ship and waved at it as it took off.

"It's my brother!" EJ cried happily! "He's alive!"

They all rushed to RW and surrounded him. They all hugged him, then stepped back.

I knew Borien would be there to save you!" Slappy told him.

"Yes, he was, RW said. "And funny thing, I was on this balcony before I died, and I heard your voice, Slappy, telling me to jump. Did you know what was happening like a piece of you was there or something?"

Slappy laughed and said," I'm a Vorlon, remember? I have to keep up our mysterious image. I'll never tell."

Everyone laughed at Slappy's comment until Oliver ran to met them. Moochenko and a couple of wombats came behind.

**Anla'Salad'Shok'Na! A Foot fleet approaches. They have a Salad Bar Killer with them!**Oliver informed the group.

"A Salad Bar Killer? What's that?" GK asked.

"It's the Foot's version of a Planet Killer, like my Vorlon cousins have, "Slappy informed him. "They use them to blow up salad bars.

Everyone gasped at the news. Moochenko mooed with fright and hid behind BlackStar. The wombats wimpered and ran back to the bar.

"Oh no, what are we going to do?" Kribu cried.

"We're going to fight!" RW stated with braveness. "Since I blew up my main Whitestar, I'll have to use my backup. Let's be off my Rangers! We must battle the Foot fleet and save our salad bar!"

"We live for salad! We die for salad!" they shouted in unison and rushed off to engage the enemy.

To be continued....

Dulann: You don't solve your problems by hitting them.
David Martel: Yeah, well, it made me feel better.
Chapter 11: Endgame

The battle began. The Salad Rangers all knew that this was the final battle, the big show, the mother of all battles. They knew that if they lost this fight, they'd lose the war, the salad bar, and their lives. Even Oliver piloted a Whitestar and joined in the fight. They fought bravely, holding off the Foot ships as best they could. It was a fierce fight.

RW was in the middle of a particularly tough fight of his own. He was firing on the Salad Bar Killer itself, trying to inflict as much damage on it as possible. While he did, two battleshoes were harrassing him. He dodged them the best he could until one of them got off a shot that inflicted heavy damage on his Whitestar, crippling it and setting it on fire.

"RW!" Kribu called out, trying to reach him on comlink "RW, are you okay?" she cried. Oliver reached her ship by link. Since he could not speak, he used his computer's voice to send her his message.

**I've got him Anla'Salad'Shok'Sech. You take over leading the fight. I'll take him back to medlab since I'm also the doctor. I'll take care of him while you kick some Foot toes!**

"Okay, Oliver," Kribu responded. Then she opened a channel to the Foot command ship.

"You bastards are going to pay for taking out our leader's ship!" she warned them.

A Foot fighter responded in English with a grovelly voice. "Who is this?" the creature asked.

"Who am I? I am Kribu. Kribu the Narn. I am the boot that's gonna kick your sorry toes all the way back to Ree'bok. I am Death Incognito, and the loveliest Narn that you are ever gonna see. Booji sent me!" she informed him with cool, level calm.

"Like that's gonna scare us!" the creature sneered. "We hear that you hate purple carrots. Maybe we'll send you a bunch before we wipe you out!"

Kribu then got angry and said, "Only one man has threatened me with purple carrots and survived my wrath. He is behind me in medlab, you are in front of me. If you value your lives, get the hell out of our galaxy!"

The Foot creature responded with a snort and cut off the link.

"Well, if we wants us to kick their toes, then that's what we're gonna do!" Kribu linked to the rest of the Salad Rangers. "Let's get 'em boys! We live for salad, we die for salad!"

She then proceeded to fire on the Salad Bar Killer, giving it all she had. The others joined her, except for GK, who was busy in a fight with two pesky battleshoes. Kribu fired until one of the battleshoes that GK was fighting broke off and fired on her.

"I'm hit!" she linked to the others. She realized her Whitestar was damaged beyond repair, so she opened a channel for all to hear. "I'm going out with a bang and I'm taking you bastard Feet with me! Ramming speed!"

She then accelerated towards the Salad Bar Killer.

"We've 'em Kribu! Hold up!" GK tried to reach her frantically. She didn't respond as the others focused their firepower on the huge ship, which burst into flame. Kribu could not stop her acceleration and plowed into the ball of flames to the gasps of her comrades.

To be continued....

Dulann: You don't solve your problems by hitting them.
David Martel: Yeah, well, it made me feel better.

Was Moochecko on Pee Wee's Playhouse, or was that just a relative?

"...abso-FRAGGIN-lutely, damn it! I have been studying your use of lauguage since our last discussion. Do you approve?"
See, the Moochenko thing comes from the days when BlackStar and Kribu were married. He was still obsessed with President Luchenko then, so Kribu and I decided to make her look like a big fat cow to try to make Sta lose his interest in her. Kribu even has a cow emoticon at her Lounge that we would use when we were talking about Luchenko.

Dulann: You don't solve your problems by hitting them.
David Martel: Yeah, well, it made me feel better.
Moochenko......the inventor of the "White Russian"

"...abso-FRAGGIN-lutely, damn it! I have been studying your use of lauguage since our last discussion. Do you approve?"
Now for the last and final chapter:
Chapter 12: RW At Rest

BlackStar tried to raise Kribu by comchannel. "Kribu! Kribu, are you alright?" The others also had the channel open, and were waiting for her response. It was quiet for a moment, then Kribu's voice came over the channel.

"Yes. Yes I'm fine, just a little shaken up." The companions cheered. Then she said, "My ship is badly damaged though."

"I'll come and pick you up my dear," BlackStar said.

"What happened to all the battleshoes?" GK asked. "They're all gone!"

"Well, the ones that we didn't destroy along with the Salad Bar Killer I scared off," Slappy said.

"How'd you do that?" EJ asked.

"I took off my encounter suit and ran around the bridge of my Whitestar naked. I sent that to the enemy and they took off!"

Everyone laughed until Kribu linked, "Hello! I need some help here!"

"Oh yeah, sorry dear," BlackStar linked back. "I'll be right there." Then he linked to the rest of the group, "Go ahead and go back to the bar. We'll meet you there."

"Roger, Sta," EJ linked. "Come on boys, let's go check on my brother."

Later, everyone met up in medlab. RW was alive and well, lying in a bed with Oliver, Moochenko, Kribu, BlackStar, Slappy, GK, and EJ all crowded around his bed. A kitten and a wombat lay asleep on the bed with him.

"So you died again?" GK asked RW.

"Yeah, I did," RW answered. "Oliver used the alien healing device on me to bring me back to life."

"You're a lucky dog," Slappy informed him. "You got to die twice in one day and got brought to life. I wish that could happen to me!"

Everyone laughed. Then Kribu asked, "How could Oliver use the machine to save you if it takes the life of the other person hooked up to it?"

"Well, he found a Foot creature porking on some pickles in the bar after he brought me back. He made a bunch of wombats capture it and he brought it to medlab and used it to save me," RW answered. Everyone laughed again.

"I just wanted to thank you all for helping me save the Happy Narn," RW then said after a short silence. "You all were just great."

"Well, I think I can answer for everyone," Kribu said. "It would really suck if there was no salad bar." The rest nodded their agreement. "After all, we are Salad Rangers," she added, and then on cue they all said, "We live for salad. We die for salad."

"We should have a big par-tay now," BlackStar said. Everyone agreed and excitedly talked of planning a big bash to celebrate until Oliver spoke in their heads.

**We can par-tay later. I'm the doctor, and I say that RW needs his rest.**

"Of course," Kribu said. "then after he's rested we can throw the biggest par-tay this bar has ever seen!"

Everyone cheered happily and then left RW, the kitten, and the wombat so they could rest.

The End

Dulann: You don't solve your problems by hitting them.
David Martel: Yeah, well, it made me feel better.
Well done RW, a very good use of imagination:

"When it is time, come to this place, call our name, we will be here" -Walkers of Sigma957
Babylon 5 freegame-I've Found Her
Thank you.

The story just kinda like, came to me. I sometimes had to stop what I was doing and write it down.
But it was a lot of fun writing it.

Dulann: You don't solve your problems by hitting them.
David Martel: Yeah, well, it made me feel better.

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