Chilli
High Treason Prevention Officer
(Some of the language that will follow is not safe for work, or for fragile souls. You have been warned.)
I've already been rolling in self-indulgence today, so what the hell.
Some of the regulars might know some facts about me:
* I speak Estonian - not in the same way the native Estonians here do, but I can very much communicate.
* I've had some pretty ghastly problems with the Russian authorities in the past.
In any case .. three weeks ago, I get a call from a German studio - at first thinking it was some indie thingy, but soon determining that it was actually one of the major German film studios - asking me if I do, indeed, speak Estonian, as my CV suggests (which can be found on the website of the University of Vienna, where I work). I confirmed this.
So what it turns out to be about: They were the producers of a major German motion picture - as major as a German motion picture can be at least - playing during the Estonian War of Independence, in which Germans and Russians were fighting for dominance over the country, to both get their asses kicked by the Estonians that wanted neither nation to be in charge of their country. Being a German movie, it was primarily focusing on the Baltic Germans in this conflict.
There were some non-German characters in the movie, though. And while the movie was actually shot in Estonia, it didn't occur to the Germans to just hire some Estonians and Russians for the Estonian and Russian roles, apparently - they shot it all with German actors, to overdub the Estonain and Russian lines later. And for some utterly brilliant reason, they ended up needing to do this .. in Vienna.
(I won't even pretend to understand this)
Now finding Russians wasn't too hard. Finding Estonian women wasn't very hard either, as there are loads of Estonian women with Austrian husbands, but apparently no Estonian men with Austrian wives. In all of Vienna, they could find two Estonian guys - one diplomat with the OSCE, and one exchange student. Not enough. So I was the closest they could find.
Already somewhat wondering what my lines will be (my affiliation with Estonia is probably what has mostly caused me headaches, to be euphemistic, in Russia) ... but I was not going to get them before I was actually in the dubbing studio. When I arrived, they told me there'd be about three lines for me.
And the first line was given was (just in Estonian, obviously):
"DIE YOU RUSSIAN BASTARDS! YOU FUCKING RUSSIANS! FUCKING RUSSIAN CUNTS, I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!"
And my next line was ...
"BLLLAAAAARGH!!!!"
(The Russians were all very smug about this when we left the studio after this take - "Ha-ha, you're all dead!")
And then my next line was - yes, I got shot in the back and died, and then got more lines - .. not really written. They just showed me a scene of an Estonian village burning to the ground that lasted about 2 minutes, and told me to have a hysterical temper tauntrum.
And I did - if I can say so myself, I was absolutely fantastic with batshit crazy. It totally surprised me how a guy could just tell me to go apeshit, and I said "OK", and went so overboard that I could hardly speak for three days.
So who says that bizarre qualifications are useless - they gave me something like 130 Dollars for these three lines. Movie-star russophobe Chilli, coming to theatres near you, as long as you're in Germany - because serioulsy, who'll ever watch a German movie that isn't Lola rennt or Good Bye, Lenin! outside of Germany?
My odds of ever going to Russia again depends on how they credit me, if they credit me - "Chilli - Additional Voices" or "Chilli - Estonian that wants to kill all Russians".
I've already been rolling in self-indulgence today, so what the hell.
Some of the regulars might know some facts about me:
* I speak Estonian - not in the same way the native Estonians here do, but I can very much communicate.
* I've had some pretty ghastly problems with the Russian authorities in the past.
In any case .. three weeks ago, I get a call from a German studio - at first thinking it was some indie thingy, but soon determining that it was actually one of the major German film studios - asking me if I do, indeed, speak Estonian, as my CV suggests (which can be found on the website of the University of Vienna, where I work). I confirmed this.
So what it turns out to be about: They were the producers of a major German motion picture - as major as a German motion picture can be at least - playing during the Estonian War of Independence, in which Germans and Russians were fighting for dominance over the country, to both get their asses kicked by the Estonians that wanted neither nation to be in charge of their country. Being a German movie, it was primarily focusing on the Baltic Germans in this conflict.
There were some non-German characters in the movie, though. And while the movie was actually shot in Estonia, it didn't occur to the Germans to just hire some Estonians and Russians for the Estonian and Russian roles, apparently - they shot it all with German actors, to overdub the Estonain and Russian lines later. And for some utterly brilliant reason, they ended up needing to do this .. in Vienna.
(I won't even pretend to understand this)
Now finding Russians wasn't too hard. Finding Estonian women wasn't very hard either, as there are loads of Estonian women with Austrian husbands, but apparently no Estonian men with Austrian wives. In all of Vienna, they could find two Estonian guys - one diplomat with the OSCE, and one exchange student. Not enough. So I was the closest they could find.
Already somewhat wondering what my lines will be (my affiliation with Estonia is probably what has mostly caused me headaches, to be euphemistic, in Russia) ... but I was not going to get them before I was actually in the dubbing studio. When I arrived, they told me there'd be about three lines for me.
And the first line was given was (just in Estonian, obviously):
"DIE YOU RUSSIAN BASTARDS! YOU FUCKING RUSSIANS! FUCKING RUSSIAN CUNTS, I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!"
And my next line was ...
"BLLLAAAAARGH!!!!"
(The Russians were all very smug about this when we left the studio after this take - "Ha-ha, you're all dead!")
And then my next line was - yes, I got shot in the back and died, and then got more lines - .. not really written. They just showed me a scene of an Estonian village burning to the ground that lasted about 2 minutes, and told me to have a hysterical temper tauntrum.
And I did - if I can say so myself, I was absolutely fantastic with batshit crazy. It totally surprised me how a guy could just tell me to go apeshit, and I said "OK", and went so overboard that I could hardly speak for three days.
So who says that bizarre qualifications are useless - they gave me something like 130 Dollars for these three lines. Movie-star russophobe Chilli, coming to theatres near you, as long as you're in Germany - because serioulsy, who'll ever watch a German movie that isn't Lola rennt or Good Bye, Lenin! outside of Germany?
My odds of ever going to Russia again depends on how they credit me, if they credit me - "Chilli - Additional Voices" or "Chilli - Estonian that wants to kill all Russians".
