Funniest B5 Quotes

Sometimes, when the days are so dark, we need humor to light up the day. How bout people just post some funny B5 quotes? heres one for now:

"I didn't even know the little creep could fly a starfury."

-Garibaldi on..well I think you know who


And a more serious quote:

"That's all we can do: survive, and maybe one day forget how much it can hurt to be human."
--Garibaldi

Philip Voss
God bless America


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"There is no memory with less satisfaction in it than the memory of some temptation we resisted."
-Harlan Ellison quoting James Branch Cabell

Humor is always good to ligthen up a tense situation.

"Oh, I heard a new joke. Hehahaahhh. What is more dangerous than a locked room full of angry Narns?"
"Heh, I don't know. What is more dangerous than a locked room full of angry Narns?"
"One angry Narn with a key."

Good old Londo. He always gets the jokes

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We're all born as molecules in the hearts of a billion stars, molecules that do not understand politics, policies and differences. In a billion years we, foolish molecules forget who we are and where we came from. Desperate acts of ego. We give ourselves names, fight over lines on maps. And pretend our light is better than everyone else's. The flame reminds us of the piece of those stars that live inside us. A spark that tells us: you should know better. The flame also reminds us that life is precious, as each flame is unique. When it goes out, it's gone forever. And there will never be another quite like it

My first quote ofcourse. Also...

All my life I fought against emperialism. Now, suddenly, I am the expanding Russian frontier. - Ivonova
But with very nice boarders. -Franklin

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Ah, good old Psi-Corps. Ya know you guys never cease to amaze me. Just what do you do in your spare time anyway? Juggle babies over a fire pit? Woops... there goes another calculated risk!!!
-Ivonova

God I'm off! I couldn't be more off the f~(%!n' mark! -Bruce Boxleitner

Zooty--zoot-zoot!

[the sound of crickets chirping]

OK, I got nuthin'!

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"We are all Kosh."

Londo to Vir,

You moon-faced assassin of joy.

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"Who? The Narn or the Centauri?"
"Yes."

-- Sinclair and Kosh

"Then why do you need a telepath?"
"What is need compared to the path?"

-- Talia and Kosh

"You know, I really hate it when you do that."
"Good."

-- Sheridan and Kosh

Kosh never ceased to amaze me with a totally Vorlon sense of humor. And I have to admit, he/she/it was very efficient. I usually don't laugh at one-word sentences.

I can remember very few people who Kosh didn't try to annoy with Vorlon humor. Perhaps Delenn. (I guess the Minbari have learnt not to ask any questions which a Vorlon might turn into a joke.)

To sum it up, the first principle of Vorlon humor: "from the confusement of other comes great joy for oneself."

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"We are the universe, trying to figure itself out.
Unfortunately we as software lack any coherent documentation."
-- Delenn

"What is a mule?" - Caliban

"Your training one." - Garibaldi

Refering to Walker Smith. TKO


Being from Missouri, I can relate to this.

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Expect me when you see me.

[This message has been edited by TechnoMaggard (edited September 15, 2001).]

A lot of the funnies were because of a situation the characters got in.

"Skepticism is the language of the mind, what does your heart tell you?"
"My heart and I don't speak anymore."
-Lorien and Ivanova

"We will be using mass drivers, we can move in at our leisure."
"Mass Drivers? They have been outlawed by every civilized planet!"
"These are uncivilized times."
"We have treaties!"
"Ink on a page."
-Refa and Londo



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"Ink on a page." -Refa describing the moral depths of a treaty.

I have this one as my email sig for my university account. I've gotten some interesting responses from professors on it.

"I feel like I'm being nibbled to death by... what are those earth creatures called, feathers, long bill, webbed feet, go 'quack'?"

"Cats?"

"Cats, yes. It's like being nibbled to death by cats."

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I'm lobbying for someplace more comfortable for our next gathering place. A nice resort with a beach. A bunch of pale skinned technomages in black robes would fit right in.

(Marcus is reading off a report to Ivanova who’s not paying attention)

Marcus: And according to one of our units on the border of Centauri space, they've continued massing their fleet. We don't know why. Maybe they expect a counter attack, it's hard to say. And they have much to be concerned about. There's always the threat of an attack by say, a giant space dragon, the kind that leaves the sun every thirty days. It's a nuisance, but what would you expect from reptiles. Did I mention that my nose was on fire? That I have fifteen wild badgers living in my trousers? (she looks at him) I'm sorry, would you prefer ferrets?

Vir Cotto: I don't believe this. What is it with this place? I mean, last week someone tries to assassinate Sheridan, and now someone tries to poison Londo. My God! (to the people passing by) What is wrong with you people? Don't you have anything else better to do? Why don't you get a hobby? Read a book or something?

Captain Sheridan: Commander! Did you threaten to grab hold of this man by the collar and throw him out an airlock?
Commander Ivanova: Yes I did.
Captain Sheridan: I'm shocked. Shocked and dismayed. I'd remind you that we are short on supplies here. We can't afford to take perfectly good clothing and throw it out into space. Always take the jacket off first, I've told you that before. (to the prisoner) Sorry, she meant to say: -*Stripped naked*- and thrown out an airlock. I apologize for any confusion this may have caused.


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Lois: Peter, what did you promise me?
Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the party.
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter: Drank at the pa-- ...Whoa! I almost walked into that one.

Stewie Griffin: No sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!

From Point of No Return

*G'Kar enters CnC*

Ivanova: G'Kar, what are you doing here?

G'Kar: *Suspiciously looks around* [Snappish]
Saving all of us! [/Snappish]

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"The truth points to itself."
- Kosh, In the Beginning

Your pants are talking to you.

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Yes, I like cats too.
Shall we exchange Recipes?

I loved the cats one too!

And whatever Rebo and Zooty were tring to say about the fish to Delenn...I didn't get it.

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Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tnkewnke:
I loved the cats one too!

And whatever Rebo and Zooty were tring to say about the fish to Delenn...I didn't get it.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I didn't get anything Rebo and Zooty said. Were they supposed to be funny



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"You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe"

Good old Marc Man. He also gets the good jokes

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We're all born as molecules in the hearts of a billion stars, molecules that do not understand politics, policies and differences. In a billion years we, foolish molecules forget who we are and where we came from. Desperate acts of ego. We give ourselves names, fight over lines on maps. And pretend our light is better than everyone else's. The flame reminds us of the piece of those stars that live inside us. A spark that tells us: you should know better. The flame also reminds us that life is precious, as each flame is unique. When it goes out, it's gone forever. And there will never be another quite like it

"Ah, a romantic I don't think I've felt that way since...the first time."
"That's what I'm talking about."
"You mean, you don't...you haven't...?"
"Yes."
"You've a...?"
"Exactly."
"...With anyone?"
"Never met the right person before."
-Ivanova and Marcus

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"Ink on a page." -Refa describing the moral depths of a treaty.

For me Morden is a source of some fantastic grim humour. Vir finally getting what he wants, and his comments about his head still rotting on a pike in the Centauri Royal Gardens.

What can I say, I'm morbid!

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"Watch the Shadows, they move when you're not looking..."

This is from Voice in the Wilderness, part one - I can't remember the exact conversation, so I'm paraphrasing here. The scientist who has been investigating the acitivity on Epsilon 3 comes back in a state of great excitment - he's busting his boiler to get down there and investigate. Ivanova asked him if he's not worried about what might happen. The Scientist says no, he's not, and besides, what better way to go out than in the cause of science. As he walks away, Ivanova says, Is that a multi-choice question? Because I can think of some alternatives"
Ivanova's speech about Ivanova being god is pretty funny, too. Funny how Ivanova and Marcus seem to get the best lines!

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Zathras on bugs:
'not good for conversation, but much protien for diet'

WarpPig

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR> Londo: "trust me."
Garibaldi: "Trust you? Londo, my brain will be five days dead before I ever trust a Centauri. The first time we meet you people, the first time any other civilization, you told us you practically run the entire galaxy. What was it you said, a huge empire."
Londo: "Come on, public relations."
Garibaldi: "Only, that hasn't be true for a hundred years. Then you give us this line, that Earth is some lost Centauri tribe, making us distance relatives. Until we finally got our hands on some Centauri DNA and find out we are not related at all. Appears aside, we are two completely different species. "
Londo: "A clerical error." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

LOL
I love this one

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"If I don't see you again here... I will see you, in a little while... In a place where no shadows fall."

Babylon 5, my dear dear fellow fans, is the greatest thing on this earth. Understand how lucky you are for knowing it.

Live For The One
Die For The One
Eat At Joe's
Etc, etc.